The Grandfather reads the Book to the Grandson.
The Grandfather reads the Book to the Grandson.
The Grandson: The most horrifying part of making this film was when I came in and found the bride in my bed with the Holocaust Cloak.
The Grandfather: Bah. That was the most exciting part of the movie. In my day that wasn't called horrifying. It was called adventure.
Buttercup: I was cold. I was just getting warm and I wasn't going to use the ROUS skins.
Inigo: There wasn't a book in the movie for the Grandfather to read. 'The Princess Bride' without a book. Even with a low budget, we should have had a book.
Buttercup: Originally I was supposed to be called 'Peanut Buttercup', but the movie didn't have a very big budget, and some nerd calculated that to add everyone saying 'Peanut' before my name in every scene, it would add 38.6 minutes of film footage, which equals a lot of money. In all, I'm kind of glad about that because it meant I got to have different costumes and my very own personal hair consultant. That ripple cut just didn't do it; it made me look like Bart Simpson. Granted, the hair consultant was an understudy wannabe trying to impress the director by giving free help, but she did a good job.
Westley: She did a good job on my hair, too.
"Farmboy, fetch me that pitcher."
Buttercup: My favorite scene was when I got to order Farm Boy around. 'Farm Boy, get me that pitcher.'
Farm Boy: Yeah, but she never realized the dangers out there, all those cows and chickens.
Humperdink: My first bride had way too many hats and was bald. She looked like Vizzini.
Understudy who argued with the Director.
Vizzini: But she made a good understudy. I wasn't bald when I got hired. It was stress from dealing with Peanut Buttercup, but then they cut her name and she was afraid they would cut her too, so she cleaned up her act.
Buttercup: You were just jealous of the cloak.
Humperdink: (Interupting ongoing argument, score: Buttercup 33, Vizzini 29). Good thing we had that cloak. The budget couldn't handle adding arrow slits in my castle. What sort of royalty has a castle they can't defend.
Humperdink introduces his Bride, Buttercup, to the People.
"We are just 3 Lost Circus Performers."
Fezzik: We used the same horse in the circus performer's scene.
Horse: Why is everyone always complaining about me? I didn't miss a line.
Inigo: No, but you missed catching us off that balcony.
Horse: (Ignoring comment.) I thought Fez was going to break my back, but the woods scene was ok.
The Eel infested Waters.
Vizzini: I had a terrible headache after the shrieking eel scene. My head stuck to the boat.
Buttercup: The boat started out 10 times as large, but it kept taking on water and getting smaller.
Eel: When they advertised, I thought they said 'Incredible Shrinking Eel.' I'm much better at that. My talents were underutilized.
The Man In Black follows in his Boat.
Westley: My boat was really awesome, except it didn't float and it didn't go anywhere because the budget didn't allow for sails.
Vizzini: They used the same material from my vest on his boat.
Westley: The seagulls were pretty bad too.
Climbing the Cliffs of Insanity
Inigo: We couldn't afford a rope, so we used the holocaust cloak rolled up.
Westley: I fell 3 times. I may never walk very well again.
Inigo: If the movie had a budget, you could sue them. We didn't have real cliffs either.
The Dual on the Cliffs of Insanity.
Westley: I forgot to wear my mask in the dualing scene. We cut the line about masks being terribly comfortable, which saved the movie some money anyway.
Inigo: I didn't get a real sword, either.
The Man In Black wrestles with Fezzik
Fezzik: I'm a professional wrestler. Westley was really good about me accidentally twisting his arm too far. I don't know my own strength.
Westley: I need a new arm. Anyone have any spare parts?
Inigo: If the movie had a budget, you could sue them.
The Man In Black poisons Vizzini.
Vizzini: We used the bed in the poison scene because we didn't have a table.
Buttercup: I was also in the wrong costume because I sent the red dress to the cleaners. The cleaners weren't in the budget, so I think they let the horse drag it around for a while hoping that the dust would make it less sticky.
Vizzini: We don't want to know why it was sticky. (score: Buttercup 33, Vizzini 30)
Westley saves Buttercup from the ROUSes.
ROUS #1: The furs were roadkill the director collected for us. There were supposed to be 3 rodents of unusual size, but the other animals were too fast.
ROUS #3: The furs were itchy, smelly, and we had to share 2 furs between 4 of us (including the understudies). Buttercup stepped on my tail.
Buttercup: I did not.
Understudy #6: At least the flames weren't real or we'd've caught fire like that poor kid in the tryouts.
Buttercup betrays Westley to Humperdink.
Six-fingered Man: I had to share our single horse with Humperdink.
Buttercup: I would never betray my True Love like that in real life. It's just wrong. In fact, I have never betrayed any of my True Loves. Though I did have the opportunity that time in the bar, but I was a lady and merely ended our relationship.
Westley gets Tortured.
Westley: I didn't like doing the torture scene. Those ropes hurt!
Inigo: You could sue the movie if the budget had money.
Six-fingered man: I want to know where all the water was going. They said it was being returned to the pool.
Albino: This was my big movie debut. I'm naturally white, so the part was perfect for me.
Miracle Max resurrects Westley.
Miracle Max: My wife was an understudy. Out of 3 understudies, they had to choose the ugliest one.
Understudy #66: I am NOT ugly, thankyouverymuch.
Understudy #6: I wouldn't even act married to you. I can't believe you would insult someone so publicly.
Understudy #666: The budget could only afford one digit for us. I would have preferred being #3.
Understudy #66: At least we got to be numbered individuals. The understudies and the peasants don't even get that.
Humperdink trying to Marry Buttercup.
Humperdink: The priest called in sick and the understudies were needed in the crowd which was made up of nearly everyone in the cast.
Peasant: There only 4 of us, but they had us paint faces on our hands too so each one of us was effectively 3 people.
Another Peasant: I only had to paint one hand because both arms wouldn't fit in the bag we were wearing. The budget could only afford 2 peasant bags.
The Wedding Party.
Inigo: We used the same fake cliffs as the Cliffs of Insanity at the wedding.
Westley: It was insane. Maybe you should sue?
Westley plans to Rescue Buttercup.
Fezzik: I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be NO SURVIVORS! I loved that line!
Fezzik as the Dread Pirate Roberts storming the Castle.
Eel: They tied me in a knot around the holocaust cloak. I actually got to be in 3 different scenes. This one, mine, and in the wedding audience.
Inigo and the Six-Fingered Man Dual.
Inigo: If I had known they were going to make me use pens instead of swords, I wouldn't have signed to be in the movie. The sword fight should have been the best part. If the budget had money, I'd sue.
Six-fingered man: May the Expo be with you...
Fezzik: We could only afford one horse instead of the 4 white ones we were supposed to have. It was blue too.
The Heroes ride off into the Sunset.
Inigo: I was eating hair the entire shot on the horse. Hairspray isn't good for your health and isn't convered by my insurance. If the movie had a budget, I'd sue them.
Westley: Stop whining.
Inigo: It was your hair, too, Butterboy. I left spit in it.
Six-fingered Man: What are you complaining about? You know what I had to go through to get six fingers.
Buttercup: I wish the budget could have afforded a sunset.
Albino: In all, making the movie was a fantastic experience and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.